Science
by NoWindForThisHole
Summary: Sid the Science Kid Science Sid the Sid Kid Science the Kid Kid the Science Sid the Science


Sid punched the door of his window open. "Hello, brothers of science," he shouted to the empty streets. "Today I shall learn about the true reason that flamingos have a pink coloration. These flamingos have tugged at my heartstrings and I am sure they hold the key."

Sid slid to the side of his room, his legs of broken motion capture equipment carrying him sloppily down the stairs to the kitchen. Mort the Science Dad was passed out in his coffee mug of wine, and Alice the Science Mom was passed out in her coffee mug of hard cider. On the wall were the words "WALK TO SCHOOL" written in a substance foreign to Sid the Science Kid. The Science Baby was nowhere to be found.

Sid obeyed the command, as he always did. He did a lot of things because he liked how the word 'did' rhymed with his given name. On occasion he would phrase things such as "Guess what I Sid the other day!" or "I can never be forgiven for what I Sid."

An inkling of doubt crossed into Sid's mind as he made his way to the schoolyard. He had never seen anyone walking in the streets, ever. The only time he could recall encountering any sign of life was the occasion he'd seen a lone moth. It was on the flat green surface that vaguely resembled grass, engulfed in flames. However, he quickly brushed the thought off as nothing.

He opened the door to his classroom. The pink child known only as "Gerald" hopped over to him like he had a dump in his pants. Gerald began making a sustained tone that he thought was funny. He did not speak for five minutes, and when he did, it went something like this:

"INANIMATE SENSATION VANTAGE PERSPECTIVE FROM OBJECTIVE IT CAME FROM INANIMATE SITUATION NO RELATION CLOSE LIAISON NO CONVERSATION NO SOCIAL CONTAGION BOTHER ME WANNA BE COMRADE INTRUSIVE I REMAIN INANIMATE ALOOF SKIP COUNTERFEIT LIKE NO CAN DO BITCH"

Susie the Science Teacher clonked him over the head with a ceramic sculpture of a flamingo. "Hey, that reminds me!" Sid spoke, his lower jaw shifting slightly to the right like it always Sid. "I was thinking of finding out how a flamingo has a pink coloration."

Gabriela kicked the unconscious Gerald aside. "I could tell you, but I'm guessing you want to go on another 'observational learning experience.'"

"I do indeed," Sid grinned.

"Let's head down to the Sid Zoo," Susie told her class of three, as she hid Gerald in the broom closet.

The four of them, including May, piled into the School Car. The car's wheels did not move, but they were still able to proceed down the road. "Let's play a Science game," Sid suggested.

"No," Gabriela groaned.

"I'm going to name a pepper and you have to tell me whether or not it has capsaicin."

"I don't care."

"First up: the red bell pepper!"

"Different colors of bell pepper are not different peppers, Sid."

"The correct answer was no capsaicin. Now how about the cayenne pepper?"

"Literally everybody knows that cayenne is spicy, you literal dumbass."

"Nice job. But can you tackle the florina pepper?"

"Go fuck yourself, Sid."

This continued for several hours, but at least it kept the gang from noticing that the road was entirely devoid of any other vehicles.

They arrived at the zoo. Susie skid the car into the only parking space available. It was also the only parking space. Susie led her class out into the zoo, for which they had to pay no fee. Sid thought nothing of this.

The sole exhibit in the zoo was a cage marked "flamingo." Inside was a lone flamingo, lying on the ground and barely moving. "Now I can finally find out why flamingos have a pink coloration."

Sid rushed over to read the species description. However, the pedestal which should have contained a descripter of the flamingo read only "MAY." Sid turned to his vaguely Asian companion. "May, are you the one to tell me about the pink coloration?"

May removed her glasses for the first time. Her irises were gone as her pupils were so dilated. "Is the flamingo really pink, Sid? Don't try to answer that. You can't. The flamingo might be pink, it might be blue, it might not even be a flamingo for all you know. The fact that you think the flamingo is pink is a self-fulfilling statement. Because you agree with the collective assertion that flamingos are pink, they are pink. Such is the nature of the world, Sid the Science Kid. Nothing exists outside of human perception. But because you choose to shut out the rest of the world, you see nothing. This is the path you have chosen, Sid. The only thing you can think about is science. You can only interact with things directly related to science. Normal people are not science to you, and thus, the world looks empty. And it always will look empty, Sid. You are alone, you are science itself. You will never know life outside of this. This is your existence: a self-driven hell from which you can never break free."

Sid punched the door of his window open. "Hello, brothers of science," he shouted to the empty streets.


End file.
